To Be or Not to Be

This is a more in-depth tutorial of what I covered in Seven Simple Ways to Make Your Writing Rock!

One of the simplest (although not easy) ways of bringing more life into your writing is to go on a hunt for forms of ‘to be’. Those pesky little words, if you don’t remember from grammar school, are ‘am, is, are, was, were, being, and been.’ So go ahead, print your latest story or pull it up on your screen, and highlight every single one of those buggers.

You should have a lot of them.

Those are some of the most common words in the English language.

That is the reason that we want to have as few of them lying around as possible.

You don’t want your writing to be common. Your story should bang pots and whistle in the wind and clamor for attention. You want your story to thrill the senses, not was and is your reader to sleep.

Sometimes, you will find that the ‘was’ or the ‘is’ belongs by right. There will be little that you can do about it, and the best thing you can do is to leave it there. 

Go On a Word Hunt

So, you guessed it. You’re going to go through and examine each of these little words and see if there is a better and more interesting way of saying the same thing. This is, of course, something that should be done during the editing process. Remember, you shouldn’t be editing as you write.

(Don’t tell anybody, but my rough drafts are riddled with forms of ‘to be.’)

A Few Hints for Getting Rid of ‘To Be’

I’m going to make it a little tougher in the sample below by hiding those little words in contractions whenever possible.

I’m looking for Johnny at the library. There he is, writing his paper. He was supposed to mow the lawn. We’re supposed to go for ice cream when he’s done with his chores. Mama saw that he was gone and was so mad. We were going to have chicken and dumplings for supper, but now we’re being punished. It’s been a long day.

Ok, it’s a little bland, but it does the job. It communicates what it’s supposed to, but I’m not crazy about it.

Let’s go through the possibilities one by one.

I’m looking for Johnny at the library.

This is a little boring. How about I cast my eyes every which way, looking for my brother. I peeked through the rows of bookshelves as I went along. Then I spotted him.

This is better, I think.

There he is, writing his paper. 

Johnny had his oversized body tucked onto one of the little tykes chairs as he crouched over a computer in the corner of the kids’ area. His fingers poked at the keys one at a time with utter focus, the tip of his tongue pinched between his teeth like every time he got up to bat in Little League.

This won’t win any awards, but do you see how it’s showing more than telling? Can you see Johnny now? Are you yawning less?

He was supposed to mow the lawn.

Make Your Writing Clear, but also Make it Interesting

Johnny needed to mow that lawn. This implies a little urgency, like maybe our viewpoint character came to get Johnny to come and mow the lawn before Saturday became as ice cream-less as the day before.

We’re supposed to go for ice cream when he’s done with his chores. 

The ‘are’ is hidden here. It’s also a little vague. Who is ‘we’? Let’s make it clearer. Mama said we’d all go to get ice cream as soon as Johnny finished his chores.

Mama saw that he was gone and was so mad.

She saw that lawn mower with its empty seat and looked around at the grass, still wispy and tall. Her hands clenched into her dishrag, and her face turned redder than I’d ever seen it. 

We were going to have chicken and dumplings for supper, but now we’re being punished.

Mama had the makings for chicken and dumplings already out on the counter, but said she wasn’t going to cook a fool thing when nobody had any respect for her. This version puts an image in your mind, when the other version probably didn’t. It also lends a little flavor to the narrative and lets the reader know a little more about the characters just by the wording alone. 

It’s been a long day.

Today, I’m done.

Let’s try putting our new version all together.

I cast my eyes every which way, looking for my brother. I peeked through the rows of bookshelves as I went along. Then I spotted him. Johnny had his oversized body tucked onto one of the little tykes chairs as he crouched over a computer in the corner of the kids’ area. His fingers poked at the keys one at a time with utter focus, the tip of his tongue pinched between his teeth like every time he got up to bat in Little League. Johnny needed to mow that lawn.

Mama said we’d all go to get ice cream as soon as Johnny finished his chores. She saw that lawn mower with its empty seat and looked around at the grass, still wispy and tall. Her hands clenched into her dishrag, and her face turned redder than I’d ever seen it. Mama had the makings for chicken and dumplings already out on the counter, but said she wasn’t going to cook a fool thing when nobody had any respect for her. Today, I’m done.

Much better. Much longer also (not that that’s always a good thing). I think it’s more fun to read, but we still need to clean it up a bit.

Use All the Words You Need to, but Not One More

I cast my eyes every which way, looking for my brother, peeking through the rows of bookshelves as I stomped along. Then I spotted him. Johnny had his oversized body tucked onto one of the little tykes chairs as he crouched over a computer in the corner of the kids’ area. His fingers poked at the keys one at a time with utter focus, the tip of his tongue pinched between his teeth like every time he got up to bat in Little League. He looked ridiculous.

He also shouldn’t be here, typing at that silly book again.

Johnny needed to get his hind end onto that John Deere and mow that lawn.

Mama said yesterday that we’d all go to get ice cream as soon as Johnny finished his chores, and if I had to do without because Johnny wouldn’t listen, I’d pitch a fit.

I won’t soon forget the look on Mama’s face when she saw that lawn mower with its empty seat and swiveled her neck to look around at the grass, still wispy and tall. Her hands clenched into her dishrag, and her face turned redder than I’d ever seen it. 

Mama had the makings for chicken and dumplings already out on the counter, but said she wasn’t going to cook a fool thing when nobody had any respect for her. 

Today I’d had it with Mama, and I’d had it with Johnny. I marched over to him to drag him out by his ear if I had to. 

But after I get him home, I’m done with both of them for the day, except for the ice cream.

Ok, this is looking better. There was a ‘to be’ or two that I couldn’t write my way out of easily, but I think it’s fine. Your reader will look right past those words, which is why we’re better off with as few as possible.

In this new version, our nameless protagonist now has a bit of a personality and a goal. 

Your Protagonist Always Needs a Goal

Yes, this was nearly all rewritten, but don’t be discouraged. Writing is rewriting, but as you continue in building your craft, some things will become second nature to you. The things that you edit out today may not make it into your rough drafts in the future, or at least not as often. Some habits should become second nature after a while. It just takes practice and tenacity. For now, I wish you all happy writing.

Don’t forget to join us on Facebook!